la gripe

last wednesday night (thursday morning), i woke up in the middle of the night for no reason.  two hours later i was practically making out with the toilet.  sorry i was out of commission for so long.  i got a good one coming up :)

everything has changed, but some things stay the same

i got a new job.  moved to a new (old) city.  things changed quickly.  how quickly?

i've gotten accustomed to the 40 hour work weeks which i have never done before in my life.  i'm in a routine of working out immediately after work.  i enjoy coming home and relaxing and now cruising around online all day long.  i appreciate the weekend much more as well.  things have changed.  i have grown up.  but something has stayed the same.

my jealousy.  living at home with my parents, not going out, not being 'involved' kinda of released me of that angry green monster.  it felt good.  coming back here though, it has reemerged!  i have always been the jealous type.  jealous of people's bf's, of their cars, of their jobs, of their houses, of their hair, etc... i need a twelve step program to get over it!

step one.  limit yourself from social media's.  not completely.  but don't check them excessively.  don't live vicariously through other's facebook pages

step two.  build friendships.  rather than automatically imagining someone as my husband.  think of them as a friend first.

step three.  work on insecurities.  whether it's physically or emotionally, fix them!

step four.  feel comfortable in your own clothes.  i judge myself too much with what i wear.

step five.  fix those things that keep you up at night.  finances, boys, drama, work.  don't let it eat at you. no one wants wrinkles.

step six.  date!  go out on dates with no expectations.  have fun

step seven.  venture out.  finally feeling comfortable with yourself, go out and have fun.

step eight.   make connections.  at work.  at play.  be open and confident

step nine.  do something you haven't done before!  be risky, adventurous.  it'll open you up.  no i don't mean i'm going to go out and bottom.

step ten.  weed out the bad ones.  by now, meeting new people and going out more, you have certainly found some bad eggs.  get rid of them

step eleven.  find out what brings you most joy.  and do it.  if it's staying in more, then stay in more.  if you like being around friends, then do it.

step twelve.  notice yourself.  probably walking taller now, smiling more.  notice it.

must be something in the water?

the midwest, the heartland of america.  i live in the third largest city in the midwest (that's for you to find out) and i believe it is a perfect microcosm of the gay culture.  i have lived in the midwest my entire life, born and raised, and will probably remain here for the remainder of my life.  something about the midwest fits me.  i live in a big city that feels like a small town, but can get to a major metropolitan area in minutes.  we have four distinct seasons here, each one i love for different reasons, and each one making me yearn for the others.  we also have one other feature not many know of, the production of porn actors.

yes, in recent years, amongst the people i know and have met, a multitude of boys have delved into the porn industry.  most notably were three friends of mine who all worked for the same site and have since stopped.  the repercussions  for one of my friends was tremendous, the other two seemed to benefit from it. the one got in trouble with the IRS and ended up owing tons of money, having his family find out, and having boy after boy pass him up.  it doesn't help that his bitchy attitude really outshines anything else he has to offer, but for him, he definitely underperformed and did nothing for my erection.  the other two had a some hot sex on camera and are living their lives now.  one had a facebook scare when someone hacked in and posted pics of him from his work.  but other than that, he's a good guy with a good guy to call his own.

another interaction i had was with this younger boy, 19, whom first lied to me about his age.  we met and decided to hang out and after we hung out, i found out information about him that was not divulged while we were talking.  he told me he was 21.  that he didn't have facebook.  that he was looking for a genuine guy.  didn't like hooking up.  wanted to get married.  and most importantly, didn't like "gay stuff."  well a couple days afterwards, i was reading one of my favorite porn blogs and low and behold, there's this boy, getting fucked on a site.  i was shocked and started doing some research.  in a matter of 15 minutes, i found out he was 19, he had facebook, he had a boyfriend who also did porn, he obviously was hooking up...

i was in utter shock.  just days before this boy was painting himself as someone completely different.  was he ashamed or was he telling me what he wished he was?  regardless, no more communication has happened and i actually found out he has a twitter with his porn alias.  tweeting to other porn actors, talking about doing coke, posting naked pics, and just generally enjoying "gay stuff."

i've been thinking about this for a while now.  a little jealousy is involved as i wish i was confident enough in myself to do what these boys are doing or did.  i'm a fan of porn, don't get me wrong.  it's been my boyfriend for 5 years.  but from what i've seen with my friends, i don't know if i could live with what i know people are saying about them.  it's a tough subject to debate, but it's not necessary to lie about it either.  be who you are, do what you want, don't be afraid to express it.  if this boy would've told me the truth, it would have turned me on tremendously and probably would have took him home ;)

Long time no see

Well much has changed since november.  Got a good job, moved to a city I love, and my life finally feels like it has a meaning now. It was a hectic holiday season and I'm now finally feeling settled down.  I moved in with a friend, haven't seen many of my old friends (will go into later on a different post), and have really committed to myself now.

For some reason the whole idea of making money has sparked something in me to change my ways and to re-examine what I have been doing.  I feel more responsible, independent, courageous, and happy of course.  Now it's not that making money makes me happy per-sey, but finally not struggling financially has done wonders for me!

I'm taking on a new attitude towards taking care of myself.  I'm invigorated to get into better shape and get my confidence back!  Slowly but surely, it'll happen!

More to come and more often that the past ;)

Describing and Indescribable feeling

You were indescribable to me.

Nothing felt wrong, everything was right.  I felt something that I couldn't comprehend and maybe that's why it didn't work.  I can remember how you smelled, how you felt, what you said what you wore.  I remember it all.

The weather wasn't the greatest, but I thought what we were doing was.  I felt comfort, safety, passion.  You felt nothing.  Apparently.

You intrude my dreams.  Uninvited but welcomed.  I wish they were true sometimes.

Sometimes I think if you saw me again, something would happen.  I'm afraid that will never happen.

I'll find someone to make me feel what you did and more.  Much more.  Truly, you're pathetic.

Awkward hook up

So we all have them.  An awkward hook up that leaves us scratching our head, wondering why we just didn't stay in and jerk off by ourselves.  Well that happened to me last night.  Yes, I know I have said before that I'm going to wait for a third date, find someone special....bullcrap.  Boys need sex.

I met this pretty attractive Puerto Rican on grindr.  Chatted him up for a couple hours and of course traded the obligatory dirty pics.  He was hot.  He was fit.  Later I found out, he was a flight attendant.  Now why does that matter, because I have a theory that they fly to each city, get a free room, and so they probably invite someone over at every stop.  That's why I'm weary.

Well I did it because at first he told me he was here for work.  So I get there and he says he needs to take a shower.  He proceeds to go into the bathroom and then asks if I'm joining him.  I sprint into the bathroom, I love shower sex!  So we're in the shower getting hot and heavy and we get each other off and when we get out of the shower I find that all my clothes I wore that were on the ground are completely drenched from the shower curtain being slightly open.  I'm not talking about just getting a little wet, these clothes are soaked.  I had to ring them out that's how bad they were.

I don't worry about it and we go to the bed and get off again.  Then in the middle of me getting him off the 2nd time he stops and says, "I need to eat before I get off."  Ok?  So he calls room service and orders food.  Yes, and they bring it up and he eats it all up and then lays back down expecting me to get him off again.  By this time, I was tired, no longer horny, and I didn't want to mess around with someone who just pigged out on hotel food in front of me.  So I say I need to leave and he replies "but your clothes are soaked, just stay here and in the morning they'll be dry."  Rule 1, I don't like to stay over if I know it's just a hook up.  So I put on my sopping wet clothes and just swallow my pride and walk right out.  People staring and everything, but hey, I doubt i'll see them again.

Was a hot puerto rican who likes to eat worth driving home in soaking wet clothes.  Maybe, but I could've done without that gross feeling when you're wearing wet clothes.  But come to think about it, I got off twice, he only did once ;)

The Odd Couple

Speaking of the weird couple that was at the lake with me last weekend, I went to a friends party last night and there were numerous odd couples there.  I when I speak of odd, I mean one was really hot and the other was definitely not!  This one couple in particular last night was complete polar opposites of one another.  He was tall, dark, muscular, chiseled face and tan while his partner was short, fat, bald, and wore glasses.  This may sound like a joke, but it wasn't.  My mouth dropped when I found out those two were together.  I didn't understand.

The other couple was my friend who had the party.  Older, in his 40's, muscular, gray hair, taller while his new boy is a twink in his early twenties!!!  I couldn't believe it when he introduced me to him.  Another couple wasn't as bad, just noticeably different in the hottness factor, but nothing to gawk about.

So here I was, astonished at these couples and the differences I could see on the outside.  But then I thought, here I am alone wanting to be with someone and all I notice are the hot guys who don't seem to want anything with me.  Maybe that's where I'm going wrong, THAT is where i'm going wrong.  Sure these guys are different when it comes to their appearances, but perhaps they are meant for each other for many more reasons than looks.  They all seemed genuinely happy (well the ugly boys should be since they are with significantly hotter partners!)  kidding.... kinda.

I see it alot with hetero couples, a hot girl with a dumpy guy... but I had never seen it in the gay community like that before.  I therefore proceeded to get extra drunk off sangria and pass out.  I had fun, met a couple new friends and perhaps had a breakthough.  I still don't know if I don't have a physical attraction to someone though if a relationship could work, or if I would even give it a try?  Only time will tell I guess... time to call it an evening and enjoy the rest of my sunday.

Lake time

Yep, that's me.  Yep, I got burnt.  But I had the most amazing time boating last weekend.  It was exactly what I needed and couldn't of asked for more.  The weather was perfect, the people were awesome, the drinks were abound, and there was no drama.  I met two really cute boys, did some flirting, made tons of new friends and it made me miss Indy :(

The only weird thing about boat day was this couple that was there.  This older gentleman maybe 35?  had this 19 year old bf.  Yep, you read that correctly.  Well they were only friends with the guy who organized this so no one else really knew them.  But later we found out that they don't even have sex, that the older guy just buys the younger one things, including a new Mustang!  Yes, he bought his little twink who doesn't put out a car.  If i had a couple more drinks in me, I would've offered my services to this guy and I would've put out for a car!  Hahah just kidding.  Kinda.  But for real, they were really weird and awkward the whole day.  I don't like twinks, never have, never will...

Other than the weird couple, it was awesome, I had a great time and now i'm peeling on my shoulders and back :)  Signs of a good time!

What have I become?

So i took today off completely.  I didn't have to work, it was my day off from the gym, my day off from dieting and i feel horrible about it!  Wherever you read it says "you need to take a day off from dieting and the gym to help your body recover."  But now I'm obsessing over it.  I may be developing a little body dysmorphia ;) jk jk I still pigged out today.

I do however hate those people who are so strict with their workouts and diets that they become overwhelmed with them.   A friend of mine is like that, 2+ hours at the gym a day, periods of bulking and cutting, overeating and starving....it's just not right.  I hit my max at an hour and a half at the gym and sometimes I can't help that late night resse cup :(  But to those of you who are hardcore, kudos to you.  For me, I'll stick to feeling a little guilty after my binge day.

I used to be fun

I swear I was a barrel of monkey's before I moved back home to Ohio!  When I lived in Indy I would go out every weekend with friends, have lunch with friends daily, go see movies, go run on the canal, and just overall enjoy life.  Not in Ohio.  I know 4 people here, I haven't gone out in 5 months, I haven't drank since my birthday in May, and now I go to movies by myself :(

Now when I was in grad school I wasn't really complaining because I was so busy, now I just work, workout, and play tennis.  Not a bad life considering, but I need to spice it up a little.  Luckily for me, I'll be going to a lake next weekend with some friends from Indy so at least I'll have a little r&r this summer.

But here's the thing, because I have lived such a dull life, my body has never been in better shape!!!  I have time to work out 6 days a week, not drinking alcohol has done wonders for my waistline, and playing so much tennis really has got me in great shape! Soon I will show you my before and after pics, but until now i'll hold you in suspense :)

So I guess you give a little, take a little?  Is that the right phrase for this situation?  hahah i dunno.  Enjoy your sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did i

So tonight I am on facebook and was looking up a friend with the same first name as "mr. future husband."  and low and behold mr. future husband showed up with his profile picture of him and his boyfriend.  someone literally stabbed me in the heart!!!!  ugh, that sucked :(  i literally thought i was pretty much over it, but that hurt real bad.  like heart racing, stomach churning, limb numbing, pain...

gotta fix this soon.  any suggestions? :(

You before anyone else

First things first.  I will try to blog more!  I promise.

Alright, so here's what I have been thinking about recently.  It all started when someone told me he has never been happier than he is now that he is with this guy.  Good for him, very good for him I thought at first.  Then as I was thinking, do I need a guy in order to be at my all time happiness?  This got me thinking and it got me scared.  I have always been one who doesn't like to depend on someone, so the thought of depending on someone else to make me happy just made me more sad.

I have recently thought that though, if I just had a guy to turn to all my problems wouldn't feel as bad as they are.  But then I said "but guys come and go and when the guy goes you'll have a whole new set of problems on top of the problems you had before him."  Perhaps dating or being in a relationship when you're young or you don't know quite what you want yet is like a band aide, a temporary fix.  This is what most relationships are I believe, band aides...  You see it all the time, someone gets dumped or breaks up with their partner and they're in a relationship right away.  That's a band aide.  Someone is not doing so well with work or money, but they are going through guys like it's their second job.  That's a band aide.

Perhaps this is the reason young relationships are so dysfunctional.  The band aides come off sooner than later and your true self is revealed and all hell breaks out.  Then to fix that band aide, you find other band aides to sleep with to fix that wound that wasn't all the way healed and we have a vicious cycle on our hands.  This is also known as the gay community and every guy I dated!!  I guess I was just a big first aide kit for my two boyfriends and springboards for the other guys I've liked to moved on to bigger and better things, but not me.  Really not kidding with this, I'm like that Dane Cook movie where he dates people so they can get boyfriends that aren't him.  Totally me!  Take a look at my last blog about this year's disappointments.  All four of them are with someone else and committed now...  but not with me.

I've decided and came to the conclusion I want to be happy with my life and myself without a guy in it before I get into a relationship.  Not that guys are throwing themselves at me right now, but you know what I mean.  I want to find my career, get out of debt a little, do something....  However, thinking of this, you might say "what if a gorgeous, generous, kind guy comes along and wants you?"  Well, I'll cross that bridge when it happens, until then, I'm done actively searching.  My third date sex rule will still apply and I will not have any expectations with anyone.  Again, not that I'm having third dates left and right.  I would much rather be happier alone than pseudo-happy in a relationship when I know everything is riding on whether or not we stay together.  We should all be happy with ourselves, I think if we were, we would be much nicer to people and more considerate of others.  But until we can be truly happy alone, we probably should stock up our first aide kits ;)

My first E-mail!

So someone sent me this and I tried to respond the best I could.  If you need some advice or have questions, feel free to email me at jessemiller15@gmail.com.

Okay, well, I need you to be really honest with me, even if it hurts my feelings, because no one else seems to want to tell me.

I'm stuck in this ridiculous cycle where a guy seems interested in me, we text or talk on the phone for awhile.... and then he just stops talking to me. I guess because he's lost interest? I don't know. But it happens to me all the time. I mean, sometimes I'll get the first date, but then he'll never want to see me again and won't tell me why. It's just so depressing because I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, and no one will ever tell me so that I can improve or change what I'm doing wrong

I feel pretty pathetic asking you, but I'm so tired of being rejected by guys and having no idea why, and I thought maybe you could help me


My response


don't worry too much about these guys. it happens to a lot of people, me in particular. this year has been pretty bad so far when it comes to dating so don't get too down, you're not the only one. trust me. plus, you don't want to be with these guys if they are going to act/treat you like that. just move on (i know it's hard to with some of them, i'm still hung up on one) but you gotta find a way to get over it. just go into the first date with no expectations, don't even think about a 2nd date. just one date, that's all. and don't put too much pressure on yourself cause then you won't be your own self, you'll act different.

hope that helps

The Meaning of Texts

Ahhh yes, text messaging...the official language of gays.  We all are guilty of all of these things I will be talking about and we all obsess over this language.  I'm going to get corny here for a second, but Pink really nails my mindset when she sings "Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?  Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone."  First and foremost, I do not understand people who live with their phone attached to their hand.  You know who I am talking about, those guys at a party or in the club who are constantly texting someone and occasionally pulling their head up to say "OMG so-and-so just texted me and said....." Like really?!?!  Omg I can't believe you think you're awesome because you don't pay attention because you have so many friends that you have to constantly text.

Next we all our guilty of and annoys me the most.  When you text someone and don't get a response forever and finally you say somehow, "did you get my text?"  What do they respond with.... "no i didn't get it??"  WRONG.  Never ever ever ever do you not get a text.  Ok maybe with ATT do you not get them right away or whatever, but you never not receive a text.  I'm sorry, but that drives me crazy.  One of my pet peeves is when people ignore you for no reason no matter what the situation is, so this one really irks me...

My next texting offense I want to address is over-texting.  Texting entire conversations which should be communicated on the phone irks me beyond belief.  Then the person will think I'm mad or disinterested in them and they ask "you don't wanna talk?"  No, I don't wanna text entire conversations for a half hour...  Also, If you wanna make plans, don't text out the details, call the person!

What I also hate about texting is how obsessed we become with it.  Whenever your phone chimes, we all have that one person we wish it was, but never is :(  Here's a dramatic story for you that affected my texting habits.  My junior year of college I was dumped by text message at 2am.  Not just a text message, one so long that it took 3 texts to come through, each coming 5 min apart.  So the first part of the text I get a you're dumped, the 2nd one is why I got dumped, and the third one saying I wanna see you tomorrow.  Ok, 1. dump me the next day in person. 2. don't wake me up to dump me.  3. F-off.  I didn't sleep the rest of the night obviously and for about the next year, I turned my phone off at night so I wouldn't get woken up with bad news again :(

Although I'm complaining about these things, I'm guilty of them too.  I'm guilty of being pushy with guys I like, distancing myself from one's I don't, and obsessing over every text I get.  Truth be told, I want a phone cleanse, a couple days without a cell phone, no texting, calling, grinding ;), facebooking, etc... Perhaps soon I will try it, but until then, I think I'll continue to fall into all these categories (except the over-texter!)

Text y'all later

Quiet times

Sorry, super busy week so far and a busy weekend coming up.  I got a new job though :)  I'm also playing in a pretty big tennis tournament this weekend which I'm already in the quarterfinals for.  Wish me luck :)

More updates to come sooooooooooooooooooooon

Bad Bad Day

Today was just a bad bad bad day.  One of those days you're hoping to forget immediately but you know it's going to weigh on your for a while.

Things that made it the worst today.  I thought I would be offered a job today so I could quit my other job (which I hate) but they told me they would call me in 3-4 days :(  I also lost my wallet.  Disappeared is more like it.  I have no idea where it went!!!  My afternoon was spent canceling cards.  Then my job now sucked, worked sucked, the people sucked, everything sucked.  blah......................................

Off to bed, sleep this bad day away.

Early Bird Catches the Worm

It is 5:20am and I'm up drinking some coffee, watching the morning news, ad getting ready for work.  Twenty minutes ago my alarm went off and I rolled out of bed so I can get to work at 6:30am.  This is the 2nd day in a row for this and I'm actually not complaining.  Where I work, it is easier to open rather than close, also, it's not as busy in the morning until about noon so it's not that bad.  But truth be told, I'm a morning person, not a night person.

There's always been something about waking up before the sun rises that has always fascinated me.  It almost feels like you're getting a head start on the day.  I especially like working out early in the morning.  If i work out in the evening, I'm usually wired until 1am and then my whole next day is ruined.

Also, everything is a lot slower this time of day.  No one is in a rush, everyone is quiet, and just overall peaceful.  Call me weird, but I like being up this early ;)

Titles

I have to admit something, I do have profile's on hookup sites...  I do not show my face on them and I do not act on any contacts, anymore ;)  I am mostly bored now and like to look through things, strike up conversation with the one's I find might be interesting, and laugh at the one's that are just absurd.  Now I won't tell you what site these come from or where they are from, but I'll give you a few examples.

Example #1: username BoiPussy4u2use
Now there is multiple things wrong with this screen name.  First, I hate it when guys spell "boy" with an i. Second I hate the term "boy pussy."  I literally stopped having sex with this guy cause he said these exact words to me; "does my tight boy pussy feel good?"  Done and done.  Thirdly, 4u2use???  That literally makes you a cum dumpster, literally.  And what can I use it for exactly?  Can I cook eggs with it?  Does it crochet?  Can it mix some drinks for us?  Pretty bad username if you ask me.  (note: the guys profile picture is him getting fisted, enough said).

Example #2: headline "can host tonight, come feel my warming sensation."  Alright, I like to read the craigslist missed connections and personals because honestly, they make me laugh.  This one is ridiculous though!  Warming senstation???  Is this guy really saying "Come over and fuck me and I'll give you syphilis cause it'll burn when you pee when you're done with me."  gross gross gross.

Example #3: email sent to me.  "Hey, I really liked your profile and was wondering if you wanted to help a first timer out.  Been married for 25 years and would like to see what i've missed out on.  Wife's out of town for the weekend and I have all her bra's and pantie's at my disposal.  Let me know."  Ummmm what??   First things first, I would feel horrible if I helped a guy cheat on his wife, second, if they've been married for 25 years, he has to be at least 45, and third, I do not want some old woman's bra and panties at my disposal!!!!  No thank you.

Example #4: "college" in sn.  There is a extreme fetish in the gay world with the following terms: college, jock, frat, co-ed, and af.  Too many thirty-something's have the term "college" in their sn.  Ok, yes, you may still be in college, but that doesn't make you hot.  I finished 4 years of college, 90% of the guys I saw were not hot.  Also please learn what a "jock" is.  To mean, it means you work out a lot and really don't care about much else.  Too many slobs and fat guys use this in their sn's and I almost want to email them to ask them how many times they've lifted a weight in the past year or went running.  Don't use it unless you are one.  Also, the fascination with "frat guys" and "co-ed" is kinda ridiculous.  It's more prevalent in porn, but it still makes me wonder, are we obsessed because we think it's a house full of guys who jerk off all the time (now if every Fraternity was like the website Fratmen, then yes, it would be hot).  Oh quick side note about frat guys.  I was walking to class one night during grad school and where I walked I had to walk right by all the fraternities and sororities and one night this most gorgeous guy came walking out in boardshorts (It was in November) and he was one of those you could find on the website Fratmen.  For a second I abandoned my thought that frat guys were not appealing for the mere fact that they were in a frat cause my mind automatically thought of the dirty things he was doing inside that house ;)  Finally, why do guys think if they put AF in their profile (for Abercrombie and Fitch) that it makes them more appealing?  It doesn't.  Should we think you were in one of those magazines that the company used to put out?  No, you're no where close to it.  Don't even bother with me...

So hopefully you don't think i'm a big whore, I just like to look, strike up conversations, and just laugh really.  I have met up once or twice with someone and perhaps I'll tell you another time ;)  Oh, fyi, my screen name is that of a modern philosopher so don't judge me ;)

Happy 4th of July!

Appropriate that American Serena Williams took home the title today at Wimbledon (she is my all time favorite btw).  Other than that I have been pretty chill this weekend.  The 4th is one of my least favorite holidays, it's more about cooking out and fireworks than anything else and I just don't get into it too much.  Much like Valentine's day, another least favorite of mine...

Be safe and enjoy your weekend!!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Well I have my mac back and couldn't be happier!  I will never use a PC willingly again!  As I sit here reading my favorite blogs, drinking my coffee, and waking up; I am also doing one of my favorite things which only happens for two weeks out of the year, watching Wimbledon!!!

I am a huge tennis fan and avid tennis player for the past 11 years of my life.  For the past twelve summers, the last week of June and first week of July you'll find me up at 8am every day to watch tennis for 9 hours. It's a lasting memory for me every summer.  I think of great matches that have happened, awesome comebacks, and takes me back to my junior days when I didn't have a care in the world.  Perhaps one of the reasons why I love this tournament so much is because my favorites always do well here.  I am speaking of the Williams sisters and Roger Federer!  I have been a fan of them since the beginning, before they were dominate and before they won everything.

In the summer of '99, I was bored and had nothing to do.  My parents used to own a concession stand at a local pool so before then, my summers were spent at the pool all day.  They gave it up in 98 and the next summer I found myself extremely bored.  While I was trying to cure my boredom, I happened to take interest in Wimbledon which I noticed had been on tv for a while.  My interest grew and finally saw a match between Venus and Steffi Graf.  It was awesome, I was so excited for something I had no idea about (kinda like how I became obsessed with Curling this year in Vancouver even though I had no idea how to play or what was going on).

Venus ended up loosing to Graf and the next day I had my mom take me to our local tennis club and signed up for lessons and from there on out, I never looked back.  I won my first tournament 4 months later and by the following summer I was in the advanced level group at my club.  I was addicted when I was younger, following scores online, watching it on tv everywhere, and even reading 'Venus Envy' by Jon Wertheim.  I literally became a student of the game, learning the history, past champions, and studying technique religiously.  I became quite good quite quickly.  I made some of my best friends from tennis and never thought I would be playing the game and enjoying it now.

Tennis also helped me go to college.  I received a scholarship to play and may have been one of the best decisions of my life.  My team was awesome and was the best four years of my life.  I had a great college career winning two conference titles and making the schools honorary champions board.

No wonder Wimbledon holds a special part in my heart, it was where my life began almost.  Before that I had no hobby, no drive, no ambition (even as a 12 year old) and was actually pretty lazy.  I will forever wake up at 8am for two weeks straight (besides the middle sunday) to watch my favorite tournament and reminisce about all the great things that came from it!