You before anyone else

First things first.  I will try to blog more!  I promise.

Alright, so here's what I have been thinking about recently.  It all started when someone told me he has never been happier than he is now that he is with this guy.  Good for him, very good for him I thought at first.  Then as I was thinking, do I need a guy in order to be at my all time happiness?  This got me thinking and it got me scared.  I have always been one who doesn't like to depend on someone, so the thought of depending on someone else to make me happy just made me more sad.

I have recently thought that though, if I just had a guy to turn to all my problems wouldn't feel as bad as they are.  But then I said "but guys come and go and when the guy goes you'll have a whole new set of problems on top of the problems you had before him."  Perhaps dating or being in a relationship when you're young or you don't know quite what you want yet is like a band aide, a temporary fix.  This is what most relationships are I believe, band aides...  You see it all the time, someone gets dumped or breaks up with their partner and they're in a relationship right away.  That's a band aide.  Someone is not doing so well with work or money, but they are going through guys like it's their second job.  That's a band aide.

Perhaps this is the reason young relationships are so dysfunctional.  The band aides come off sooner than later and your true self is revealed and all hell breaks out.  Then to fix that band aide, you find other band aides to sleep with to fix that wound that wasn't all the way healed and we have a vicious cycle on our hands.  This is also known as the gay community and every guy I dated!!  I guess I was just a big first aide kit for my two boyfriends and springboards for the other guys I've liked to moved on to bigger and better things, but not me.  Really not kidding with this, I'm like that Dane Cook movie where he dates people so they can get boyfriends that aren't him.  Totally me!  Take a look at my last blog about this year's disappointments.  All four of them are with someone else and committed now...  but not with me.

I've decided and came to the conclusion I want to be happy with my life and myself without a guy in it before I get into a relationship.  Not that guys are throwing themselves at me right now, but you know what I mean.  I want to find my career, get out of debt a little, do something....  However, thinking of this, you might say "what if a gorgeous, generous, kind guy comes along and wants you?"  Well, I'll cross that bridge when it happens, until then, I'm done actively searching.  My third date sex rule will still apply and I will not have any expectations with anyone.  Again, not that I'm having third dates left and right.  I would much rather be happier alone than pseudo-happy in a relationship when I know everything is riding on whether or not we stay together.  We should all be happy with ourselves, I think if we were, we would be much nicer to people and more considerate of others.  But until we can be truly happy alone, we probably should stock up our first aide kits ;)