You were indescribable to me.
Nothing felt wrong, everything was right. I felt something that I couldn't comprehend and maybe that's why it didn't work. I can remember how you smelled, how you felt, what you said what you wore. I remember it all.
The weather wasn't the greatest, but I thought what we were doing was. I felt comfort, safety, passion. You felt nothing. Apparently.
You intrude my dreams. Uninvited but welcomed. I wish they were true sometimes.
Sometimes I think if you saw me again, something would happen. I'm afraid that will never happen.
I'll find someone to make me feel what you did and more. Much more. Truly, you're pathetic.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Awkward hook up
So we all have them. An awkward hook up that leaves us scratching our head, wondering why we just didn't stay in and jerk off by ourselves. Well that happened to me last night. Yes, I know I have said before that I'm going to wait for a third date, find someone special....bullcrap. Boys need sex.
I met this pretty attractive Puerto Rican on grindr. Chatted him up for a couple hours and of course traded the obligatory dirty pics. He was hot. He was fit. Later I found out, he was a flight attendant. Now why does that matter, because I have a theory that they fly to each city, get a free room, and so they probably invite someone over at every stop. That's why I'm weary.
Well I did it because at first he told me he was here for work. So I get there and he says he needs to take a shower. He proceeds to go into the bathroom and then asks if I'm joining him. I sprint into the bathroom, I love shower sex! So we're in the shower getting hot and heavy and we get each other off and when we get out of the shower I find that all my clothes I wore that were on the ground are completely drenched from the shower curtain being slightly open. I'm not talking about just getting a little wet, these clothes are soaked. I had to ring them out that's how bad they were.
I don't worry about it and we go to the bed and get off again. Then in the middle of me getting him off the 2nd time he stops and says, "I need to eat before I get off." Ok? So he calls room service and orders food. Yes, and they bring it up and he eats it all up and then lays back down expecting me to get him off again. By this time, I was tired, no longer horny, and I didn't want to mess around with someone who just pigged out on hotel food in front of me. So I say I need to leave and he replies "but your clothes are soaked, just stay here and in the morning they'll be dry." Rule 1, I don't like to stay over if I know it's just a hook up. So I put on my sopping wet clothes and just swallow my pride and walk right out. People staring and everything, but hey, I doubt i'll see them again.
Was a hot puerto rican who likes to eat worth driving home in soaking wet clothes. Maybe, but I could've done without that gross feeling when you're wearing wet clothes. But come to think about it, I got off twice, he only did once ;)
I met this pretty attractive Puerto Rican on grindr. Chatted him up for a couple hours and of course traded the obligatory dirty pics. He was hot. He was fit. Later I found out, he was a flight attendant. Now why does that matter, because I have a theory that they fly to each city, get a free room, and so they probably invite someone over at every stop. That's why I'm weary.
Well I did it because at first he told me he was here for work. So I get there and he says he needs to take a shower. He proceeds to go into the bathroom and then asks if I'm joining him. I sprint into the bathroom, I love shower sex! So we're in the shower getting hot and heavy and we get each other off and when we get out of the shower I find that all my clothes I wore that were on the ground are completely drenched from the shower curtain being slightly open. I'm not talking about just getting a little wet, these clothes are soaked. I had to ring them out that's how bad they were.
I don't worry about it and we go to the bed and get off again. Then in the middle of me getting him off the 2nd time he stops and says, "I need to eat before I get off." Ok? So he calls room service and orders food. Yes, and they bring it up and he eats it all up and then lays back down expecting me to get him off again. By this time, I was tired, no longer horny, and I didn't want to mess around with someone who just pigged out on hotel food in front of me. So I say I need to leave and he replies "but your clothes are soaked, just stay here and in the morning they'll be dry." Rule 1, I don't like to stay over if I know it's just a hook up. So I put on my sopping wet clothes and just swallow my pride and walk right out. People staring and everything, but hey, I doubt i'll see them again.
Was a hot puerto rican who likes to eat worth driving home in soaking wet clothes. Maybe, but I could've done without that gross feeling when you're wearing wet clothes. But come to think about it, I got off twice, he only did once ;)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Odd Couple
Speaking of the weird couple that was at the lake with me last weekend, I went to a friends party last night and there were numerous odd couples there. I when I speak of odd, I mean one was really hot and the other was definitely not! This one couple in particular last night was complete polar opposites of one another. He was tall, dark, muscular, chiseled face and tan while his partner was short, fat, bald, and wore glasses. This may sound like a joke, but it wasn't. My mouth dropped when I found out those two were together. I didn't understand.
The other couple was my friend who had the party. Older, in his 40's, muscular, gray hair, taller while his new boy is a twink in his early twenties!!! I couldn't believe it when he introduced me to him. Another couple wasn't as bad, just noticeably different in the hottness factor, but nothing to gawk about.
So here I was, astonished at these couples and the differences I could see on the outside. But then I thought, here I am alone wanting to be with someone and all I notice are the hot guys who don't seem to want anything with me. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong, THAT is where i'm going wrong. Sure these guys are different when it comes to their appearances, but perhaps they are meant for each other for many more reasons than looks. They all seemed genuinely happy (well the ugly boys should be since they are with significantly hotter partners!) kidding.... kinda.
I see it alot with hetero couples, a hot girl with a dumpy guy... but I had never seen it in the gay community like that before. I therefore proceeded to get extra drunk off sangria and pass out. I had fun, met a couple new friends and perhaps had a breakthough. I still don't know if I don't have a physical attraction to someone though if a relationship could work, or if I would even give it a try? Only time will tell I guess... time to call it an evening and enjoy the rest of my sunday.
The other couple was my friend who had the party. Older, in his 40's, muscular, gray hair, taller while his new boy is a twink in his early twenties!!! I couldn't believe it when he introduced me to him. Another couple wasn't as bad, just noticeably different in the hottness factor, but nothing to gawk about.
So here I was, astonished at these couples and the differences I could see on the outside. But then I thought, here I am alone wanting to be with someone and all I notice are the hot guys who don't seem to want anything with me. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong, THAT is where i'm going wrong. Sure these guys are different when it comes to their appearances, but perhaps they are meant for each other for many more reasons than looks. They all seemed genuinely happy (well the ugly boys should be since they are with significantly hotter partners!) kidding.... kinda.
I see it alot with hetero couples, a hot girl with a dumpy guy... but I had never seen it in the gay community like that before. I therefore proceeded to get extra drunk off sangria and pass out. I had fun, met a couple new friends and perhaps had a breakthough. I still don't know if I don't have a physical attraction to someone though if a relationship could work, or if I would even give it a try? Only time will tell I guess... time to call it an evening and enjoy the rest of my sunday.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Lake time
The only weird thing about boat day was this couple that was there. This older gentleman maybe 35? had this 19 year old bf. Yep, you read that correctly. Well they were only friends with the guy who organized this so no one else really knew them. But later we found out that they don't even have sex, that the older guy just buys the younger one things, including a new Mustang! Yes, he bought his little twink who doesn't put out a car. If i had a couple more drinks in me, I would've offered my services to this guy and I would've put out for a car! Hahah just kidding. Kinda. But for real, they were really weird and awkward the whole day. I don't like twinks, never have, never will...
Other than the weird couple, it was awesome, I had a great time and now i'm peeling on my shoulders and back :) Signs of a good time!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
What have I become?
So i took today off completely. I didn't have to work, it was my day off from the gym, my day off from dieting and i feel horrible about it! Wherever you read it says "you need to take a day off from dieting and the gym to help your body recover." But now I'm obsessing over it. I may be developing a little body dysmorphia ;) jk jk I still pigged out today.
I do however hate those people who are so strict with their workouts and diets that they become overwhelmed with them. A friend of mine is like that, 2+ hours at the gym a day, periods of bulking and cutting, overeating and starving....it's just not right. I hit my max at an hour and a half at the gym and sometimes I can't help that late night resse cup :( But to those of you who are hardcore, kudos to you. For me, I'll stick to feeling a little guilty after my binge day.
I do however hate those people who are so strict with their workouts and diets that they become overwhelmed with them. A friend of mine is like that, 2+ hours at the gym a day, periods of bulking and cutting, overeating and starving....it's just not right. I hit my max at an hour and a half at the gym and sometimes I can't help that late night resse cup :( But to those of you who are hardcore, kudos to you. For me, I'll stick to feeling a little guilty after my binge day.
I used to be fun
I swear I was a barrel of monkey's before I moved back home to Ohio! When I lived in Indy I would go out every weekend with friends, have lunch with friends daily, go see movies, go run on the canal, and just overall enjoy life. Not in Ohio. I know 4 people here, I haven't gone out in 5 months, I haven't drank since my birthday in May, and now I go to movies by myself :(
Now when I was in grad school I wasn't really complaining because I was so busy, now I just work, workout, and play tennis. Not a bad life considering, but I need to spice it up a little. Luckily for me, I'll be going to a lake next weekend with some friends from Indy so at least I'll have a little r&r this summer.
But here's the thing, because I have lived such a dull life, my body has never been in better shape!!! I have time to work out 6 days a week, not drinking alcohol has done wonders for my waistline, and playing so much tennis really has got me in great shape! Soon I will show you my before and after pics, but until now i'll hold you in suspense :)
So I guess you give a little, take a little? Is that the right phrase for this situation? hahah i dunno. Enjoy your sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now when I was in grad school I wasn't really complaining because I was so busy, now I just work, workout, and play tennis. Not a bad life considering, but I need to spice it up a little. Luckily for me, I'll be going to a lake next weekend with some friends from Indy so at least I'll have a little r&r this summer.
But here's the thing, because I have lived such a dull life, my body has never been in better shape!!! I have time to work out 6 days a week, not drinking alcohol has done wonders for my waistline, and playing so much tennis really has got me in great shape! Soon I will show you my before and after pics, but until now i'll hold you in suspense :)
So I guess you give a little, take a little? Is that the right phrase for this situation? hahah i dunno. Enjoy your sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Why did i
So tonight I am on facebook and was looking up a friend with the same first name as "mr. future husband." and low and behold mr. future husband showed up with his profile picture of him and his boyfriend. someone literally stabbed me in the heart!!!! ugh, that sucked :( i literally thought i was pretty much over it, but that hurt real bad. like heart racing, stomach churning, limb numbing, pain...
gotta fix this soon. any suggestions? :(
gotta fix this soon. any suggestions? :(
Thursday, July 29, 2010
You before anyone else
First things first. I will try to blog more! I promise.
Alright, so here's what I have been thinking about recently. It all started when someone told me he has never been happier than he is now that he is with this guy. Good for him, very good for him I thought at first. Then as I was thinking, do I need a guy in order to be at my all time happiness? This got me thinking and it got me scared. I have always been one who doesn't like to depend on someone, so the thought of depending on someone else to make me happy just made me more sad.
I have recently thought that though, if I just had a guy to turn to all my problems wouldn't feel as bad as they are. But then I said "but guys come and go and when the guy goes you'll have a whole new set of problems on top of the problems you had before him." Perhaps dating or being in a relationship when you're young or you don't know quite what you want yet is like a band aide, a temporary fix. This is what most relationships are I believe, band aides... You see it all the time, someone gets dumped or breaks up with their partner and they're in a relationship right away. That's a band aide. Someone is not doing so well with work or money, but they are going through guys like it's their second job. That's a band aide.
Perhaps this is the reason young relationships are so dysfunctional. The band aides come off sooner than later and your true self is revealed and all hell breaks out. Then to fix that band aide, you find other band aides to sleep with to fix that wound that wasn't all the way healed and we have a vicious cycle on our hands. This is also known as the gay community and every guy I dated!! I guess I was just a big first aide kit for my two boyfriends and springboards for the other guys I've liked to moved on to bigger and better things, but not me. Really not kidding with this, I'm like that Dane Cook movie where he dates people so they can get boyfriends that aren't him. Totally me! Take a look at my last blog about this year's disappointments. All four of them are with someone else and committed now... but not with me.
I've decided and came to the conclusion I want to be happy with my life and myself without a guy in it before I get into a relationship. Not that guys are throwing themselves at me right now, but you know what I mean. I want to find my career, get out of debt a little, do something.... However, thinking of this, you might say "what if a gorgeous, generous, kind guy comes along and wants you?" Well, I'll cross that bridge when it happens, until then, I'm done actively searching. My third date sex rule will still apply and I will not have any expectations with anyone. Again, not that I'm having third dates left and right. I would much rather be happier alone than pseudo-happy in a relationship when I know everything is riding on whether or not we stay together. We should all be happy with ourselves, I think if we were, we would be much nicer to people and more considerate of others. But until we can be truly happy alone, we probably should stock up our first aide kits ;)
Alright, so here's what I have been thinking about recently. It all started when someone told me he has never been happier than he is now that he is with this guy. Good for him, very good for him I thought at first. Then as I was thinking, do I need a guy in order to be at my all time happiness? This got me thinking and it got me scared. I have always been one who doesn't like to depend on someone, so the thought of depending on someone else to make me happy just made me more sad.
I have recently thought that though, if I just had a guy to turn to all my problems wouldn't feel as bad as they are. But then I said "but guys come and go and when the guy goes you'll have a whole new set of problems on top of the problems you had before him." Perhaps dating or being in a relationship when you're young or you don't know quite what you want yet is like a band aide, a temporary fix. This is what most relationships are I believe, band aides... You see it all the time, someone gets dumped or breaks up with their partner and they're in a relationship right away. That's a band aide. Someone is not doing so well with work or money, but they are going through guys like it's their second job. That's a band aide.
Perhaps this is the reason young relationships are so dysfunctional. The band aides come off sooner than later and your true self is revealed and all hell breaks out. Then to fix that band aide, you find other band aides to sleep with to fix that wound that wasn't all the way healed and we have a vicious cycle on our hands. This is also known as the gay community and every guy I dated!! I guess I was just a big first aide kit for my two boyfriends and springboards for the other guys I've liked to moved on to bigger and better things, but not me. Really not kidding with this, I'm like that Dane Cook movie where he dates people so they can get boyfriends that aren't him. Totally me! Take a look at my last blog about this year's disappointments. All four of them are with someone else and committed now... but not with me.
I've decided and came to the conclusion I want to be happy with my life and myself without a guy in it before I get into a relationship. Not that guys are throwing themselves at me right now, but you know what I mean. I want to find my career, get out of debt a little, do something.... However, thinking of this, you might say "what if a gorgeous, generous, kind guy comes along and wants you?" Well, I'll cross that bridge when it happens, until then, I'm done actively searching. My third date sex rule will still apply and I will not have any expectations with anyone. Again, not that I'm having third dates left and right. I would much rather be happier alone than pseudo-happy in a relationship when I know everything is riding on whether or not we stay together. We should all be happy with ourselves, I think if we were, we would be much nicer to people and more considerate of others. But until we can be truly happy alone, we probably should stock up our first aide kits ;)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My first E-mail!
So someone sent me this and I tried to respond the best I could. If you need some advice or have questions, feel free to email me at jessemiller15@gmail.com.
Okay, well, I need you to be really honest with me, even if it hurts my feelings, because no one else seems to want to tell me.
I'm stuck in this ridiculous cycle where a guy seems interested in me, we text or talk on the phone for awhile.... and then he just stops talking to me. I guess because he's lost interest? I don't know. But it happens to me all the time. I mean, sometimes I'll get the first date, but then he'll never want to see me again and won't tell me why. It's just so depressing because I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, and no one will ever tell me so that I can improve or change what I'm doing wrong
I feel pretty pathetic asking you, but I'm so tired of being rejected by guys and having no idea why, and I thought maybe you could help me
My response
don't worry too much about these guys. it happens to a lot of people, me in particular. this year has been pretty bad so far when it comes to dating so don't get too down, you're not the only one. trust me. plus, you don't want to be with these guys if they are going to act/treat you like that. just move on (i know it's hard to with some of them, i'm still hung up on one) but you gotta find a way to get over it. just go into the first date with no expectations, don't even think about a 2nd date. just one date, that's all. and don't put too much pressure on yourself cause then you won't be your own self, you'll act different.
hope that helps
Okay, well, I need you to be really honest with me, even if it hurts my feelings, because no one else seems to want to tell me.
I'm stuck in this ridiculous cycle where a guy seems interested in me, we text or talk on the phone for awhile.... and then he just stops talking to me. I guess because he's lost interest? I don't know. But it happens to me all the time. I mean, sometimes I'll get the first date, but then he'll never want to see me again and won't tell me why. It's just so depressing because I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, and no one will ever tell me so that I can improve or change what I'm doing wrong
I feel pretty pathetic asking you, but I'm so tired of being rejected by guys and having no idea why, and I thought maybe you could help me
My response
don't worry too much about these guys. it happens to a lot of people, me in particular. this year has been pretty bad so far when it comes to dating so don't get too down, you're not the only one. trust me. plus, you don't want to be with these guys if they are going to act/treat you like that. just move on (i know it's hard to with some of them, i'm still hung up on one) but you gotta find a way to get over it. just go into the first date with no expectations, don't even think about a 2nd date. just one date, that's all. and don't put too much pressure on yourself cause then you won't be your own self, you'll act different.
hope that helps
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Meaning of Texts
Ahhh yes, text messaging...the official language of gays. We all are guilty of all of these things I will be talking about and we all obsess over this language. I'm going to get corny here for a second, but Pink really nails my mindset when she sings "Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone." First and foremost, I do not understand people who live with their phone attached to their hand. You know who I am talking about, those guys at a party or in the club who are constantly texting someone and occasionally pulling their head up to say "OMG so-and-so just texted me and said....." Like really?!?! Omg I can't believe you think you're awesome because you don't pay attention because you have so many friends that you have to constantly text.
Next we all our guilty of and annoys me the most. When you text someone and don't get a response forever and finally you say somehow, "did you get my text?" What do they respond with.... "no i didn't get it??" WRONG. Never ever ever ever do you not get a text. Ok maybe with ATT do you not get them right away or whatever, but you never not receive a text. I'm sorry, but that drives me crazy. One of my pet peeves is when people ignore you for no reason no matter what the situation is, so this one really irks me...
My next texting offense I want to address is over-texting. Texting entire conversations which should be communicated on the phone irks me beyond belief. Then the person will think I'm mad or disinterested in them and they ask "you don't wanna talk?" No, I don't wanna text entire conversations for a half hour... Also, If you wanna make plans, don't text out the details, call the person!
What I also hate about texting is how obsessed we become with it. Whenever your phone chimes, we all have that one person we wish it was, but never is :( Here's a dramatic story for you that affected my texting habits. My junior year of college I was dumped by text message at 2am. Not just a text message, one so long that it took 3 texts to come through, each coming 5 min apart. So the first part of the text I get a you're dumped, the 2nd one is why I got dumped, and the third one saying I wanna see you tomorrow. Ok, 1. dump me the next day in person. 2. don't wake me up to dump me. 3. F-off. I didn't sleep the rest of the night obviously and for about the next year, I turned my phone off at night so I wouldn't get woken up with bad news again :(
Although I'm complaining about these things, I'm guilty of them too. I'm guilty of being pushy with guys I like, distancing myself from one's I don't, and obsessing over every text I get. Truth be told, I want a phone cleanse, a couple days without a cell phone, no texting, calling, grinding ;), facebooking, etc... Perhaps soon I will try it, but until then, I think I'll continue to fall into all these categories (except the over-texter!)
Text y'all later
Next we all our guilty of and annoys me the most. When you text someone and don't get a response forever and finally you say somehow, "did you get my text?" What do they respond with.... "no i didn't get it??" WRONG. Never ever ever ever do you not get a text. Ok maybe with ATT do you not get them right away or whatever, but you never not receive a text. I'm sorry, but that drives me crazy. One of my pet peeves is when people ignore you for no reason no matter what the situation is, so this one really irks me...
My next texting offense I want to address is over-texting. Texting entire conversations which should be communicated on the phone irks me beyond belief. Then the person will think I'm mad or disinterested in them and they ask "you don't wanna talk?" No, I don't wanna text entire conversations for a half hour... Also, If you wanna make plans, don't text out the details, call the person!
What I also hate about texting is how obsessed we become with it. Whenever your phone chimes, we all have that one person we wish it was, but never is :( Here's a dramatic story for you that affected my texting habits. My junior year of college I was dumped by text message at 2am. Not just a text message, one so long that it took 3 texts to come through, each coming 5 min apart. So the first part of the text I get a you're dumped, the 2nd one is why I got dumped, and the third one saying I wanna see you tomorrow. Ok, 1. dump me the next day in person. 2. don't wake me up to dump me. 3. F-off. I didn't sleep the rest of the night obviously and for about the next year, I turned my phone off at night so I wouldn't get woken up with bad news again :(
Although I'm complaining about these things, I'm guilty of them too. I'm guilty of being pushy with guys I like, distancing myself from one's I don't, and obsessing over every text I get. Truth be told, I want a phone cleanse, a couple days without a cell phone, no texting, calling, grinding ;), facebooking, etc... Perhaps soon I will try it, but until then, I think I'll continue to fall into all these categories (except the over-texter!)
Text y'all later
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Quiet times
Sorry, super busy week so far and a busy weekend coming up. I got a new job though :) I'm also playing in a pretty big tennis tournament this weekend which I'm already in the quarterfinals for. Wish me luck :)
More updates to come sooooooooooooooooooooon
More updates to come sooooooooooooooooooooon
Friday, July 9, 2010
Bad Bad Day
Today was just a bad bad bad day. One of those days you're hoping to forget immediately but you know it's going to weigh on your for a while.
Things that made it the worst today. I thought I would be offered a job today so I could quit my other job (which I hate) but they told me they would call me in 3-4 days :( I also lost my wallet. Disappeared is more like it. I have no idea where it went!!! My afternoon was spent canceling cards. Then my job now sucked, worked sucked, the people sucked, everything sucked. blah......................................
Off to bed, sleep this bad day away.
Things that made it the worst today. I thought I would be offered a job today so I could quit my other job (which I hate) but they told me they would call me in 3-4 days :( I also lost my wallet. Disappeared is more like it. I have no idea where it went!!! My afternoon was spent canceling cards. Then my job now sucked, worked sucked, the people sucked, everything sucked. blah......................................
Off to bed, sleep this bad day away.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Early Bird Catches the Worm
It is 5:20am and I'm up drinking some coffee, watching the morning news, ad getting ready for work. Twenty minutes ago my alarm went off and I rolled out of bed so I can get to work at 6:30am. This is the 2nd day in a row for this and I'm actually not complaining. Where I work, it is easier to open rather than close, also, it's not as busy in the morning until about noon so it's not that bad. But truth be told, I'm a morning person, not a night person.
There's always been something about waking up before the sun rises that has always fascinated me. It almost feels like you're getting a head start on the day. I especially like working out early in the morning. If i work out in the evening, I'm usually wired until 1am and then my whole next day is ruined.
Also, everything is a lot slower this time of day. No one is in a rush, everyone is quiet, and just overall peaceful. Call me weird, but I like being up this early ;)
There's always been something about waking up before the sun rises that has always fascinated me. It almost feels like you're getting a head start on the day. I especially like working out early in the morning. If i work out in the evening, I'm usually wired until 1am and then my whole next day is ruined.
Also, everything is a lot slower this time of day. No one is in a rush, everyone is quiet, and just overall peaceful. Call me weird, but I like being up this early ;)
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Titles
I have to admit something, I do have profile's on hookup sites... I do not show my face on them and I do not act on any contacts, anymore ;) I am mostly bored now and like to look through things, strike up conversation with the one's I find might be interesting, and laugh at the one's that are just absurd. Now I won't tell you what site these come from or where they are from, but I'll give you a few examples.
Example #1: username BoiPussy4u2use
Now there is multiple things wrong with this screen name. First, I hate it when guys spell "boy" with an i. Second I hate the term "boy pussy." I literally stopped having sex with this guy cause he said these exact words to me; "does my tight boy pussy feel good?" Done and done. Thirdly, 4u2use??? That literally makes you a cum dumpster, literally. And what can I use it for exactly? Can I cook eggs with it? Does it crochet? Can it mix some drinks for us? Pretty bad username if you ask me. (note: the guys profile picture is him getting fisted, enough said).
Example #2: headline "can host tonight, come feel my warming sensation." Alright, I like to read the craigslist missed connections and personals because honestly, they make me laugh. This one is ridiculous though! Warming senstation??? Is this guy really saying "Come over and fuck me and I'll give you syphilis cause it'll burn when you pee when you're done with me." gross gross gross.
Example #3: email sent to me. "Hey, I really liked your profile and was wondering if you wanted to help a first timer out. Been married for 25 years and would like to see what i've missed out on. Wife's out of town for the weekend and I have all her bra's and pantie's at my disposal. Let me know." Ummmm what?? First things first, I would feel horrible if I helped a guy cheat on his wife, second, if they've been married for 25 years, he has to be at least 45, and third, I do not want some old woman's bra and panties at my disposal!!!! No thank you.
Example #4: "college" in sn. There is a extreme fetish in the gay world with the following terms: college, jock, frat, co-ed, and af. Too many thirty-something's have the term "college" in their sn. Ok, yes, you may still be in college, but that doesn't make you hot. I finished 4 years of college, 90% of the guys I saw were not hot. Also please learn what a "jock" is. To mean, it means you work out a lot and really don't care about much else. Too many slobs and fat guys use this in their sn's and I almost want to email them to ask them how many times they've lifted a weight in the past year or went running. Don't use it unless you are one. Also, the fascination with "frat guys" and "co-ed" is kinda ridiculous. It's more prevalent in porn, but it still makes me wonder, are we obsessed because we think it's a house full of guys who jerk off all the time (now if every Fraternity was like the website Fratmen, then yes, it would be hot). Oh quick side note about frat guys. I was walking to class one night during grad school and where I walked I had to walk right by all the fraternities and sororities and one night this most gorgeous guy came walking out in boardshorts (It was in November) and he was one of those you could find on the website Fratmen. For a second I abandoned my thought that frat guys were not appealing for the mere fact that they were in a frat cause my mind automatically thought of the dirty things he was doing inside that house ;) Finally, why do guys think if they put AF in their profile (for Abercrombie and Fitch) that it makes them more appealing? It doesn't. Should we think you were in one of those magazines that the company used to put out? No, you're no where close to it. Don't even bother with me...
So hopefully you don't think i'm a big whore, I just like to look, strike up conversations, and just laugh really. I have met up once or twice with someone and perhaps I'll tell you another time ;) Oh, fyi, my screen name is that of a modern philosopher so don't judge me ;)
Example #1: username BoiPussy4u2use
Now there is multiple things wrong with this screen name. First, I hate it when guys spell "boy" with an i. Second I hate the term "boy pussy." I literally stopped having sex with this guy cause he said these exact words to me; "does my tight boy pussy feel good?" Done and done. Thirdly, 4u2use??? That literally makes you a cum dumpster, literally. And what can I use it for exactly? Can I cook eggs with it? Does it crochet? Can it mix some drinks for us? Pretty bad username if you ask me. (note: the guys profile picture is him getting fisted, enough said).
Example #2: headline "can host tonight, come feel my warming sensation." Alright, I like to read the craigslist missed connections and personals because honestly, they make me laugh. This one is ridiculous though! Warming senstation??? Is this guy really saying "Come over and fuck me and I'll give you syphilis cause it'll burn when you pee when you're done with me." gross gross gross.
Example #3: email sent to me. "Hey, I really liked your profile and was wondering if you wanted to help a first timer out. Been married for 25 years and would like to see what i've missed out on. Wife's out of town for the weekend and I have all her bra's and pantie's at my disposal. Let me know." Ummmm what?? First things first, I would feel horrible if I helped a guy cheat on his wife, second, if they've been married for 25 years, he has to be at least 45, and third, I do not want some old woman's bra and panties at my disposal!!!! No thank you.
Example #4: "college" in sn. There is a extreme fetish in the gay world with the following terms: college, jock, frat, co-ed, and af. Too many thirty-something's have the term "college" in their sn. Ok, yes, you may still be in college, but that doesn't make you hot. I finished 4 years of college, 90% of the guys I saw were not hot. Also please learn what a "jock" is. To mean, it means you work out a lot and really don't care about much else. Too many slobs and fat guys use this in their sn's and I almost want to email them to ask them how many times they've lifted a weight in the past year or went running. Don't use it unless you are one. Also, the fascination with "frat guys" and "co-ed" is kinda ridiculous. It's more prevalent in porn, but it still makes me wonder, are we obsessed because we think it's a house full of guys who jerk off all the time (now if every Fraternity was like the website Fratmen, then yes, it would be hot). Oh quick side note about frat guys. I was walking to class one night during grad school and where I walked I had to walk right by all the fraternities and sororities and one night this most gorgeous guy came walking out in boardshorts (It was in November) and he was one of those you could find on the website Fratmen. For a second I abandoned my thought that frat guys were not appealing for the mere fact that they were in a frat cause my mind automatically thought of the dirty things he was doing inside that house ;) Finally, why do guys think if they put AF in their profile (for Abercrombie and Fitch) that it makes them more appealing? It doesn't. Should we think you were in one of those magazines that the company used to put out? No, you're no where close to it. Don't even bother with me...
So hopefully you don't think i'm a big whore, I just like to look, strike up conversations, and just laugh really. I have met up once or twice with someone and perhaps I'll tell you another time ;) Oh, fyi, my screen name is that of a modern philosopher so don't judge me ;)
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Happy 4th of July!
Appropriate that American Serena Williams took home the title today at Wimbledon (she is my all time favorite btw). Other than that I have been pretty chill this weekend. The 4th is one of my least favorite holidays, it's more about cooking out and fireworks than anything else and I just don't get into it too much. Much like Valentine's day, another least favorite of mine...
Be safe and enjoy your weekend!!
Be safe and enjoy your weekend!!
Friday, July 2, 2010
A Few of My Favorite Things
Well I have my mac back and couldn't be happier! I will never use a PC willingly again! As I sit here reading my favorite blogs, drinking my coffee, and waking up; I am also doing one of my favorite things which only happens for two weeks out of the year, watching Wimbledon!!!
I am a huge tennis fan and avid tennis player for the past 11 years of my life. For the past twelve summers, the last week of June and first week of July you'll find me up at 8am every day to watch tennis for 9 hours. It's a lasting memory for me every summer. I think of great matches that have happened, awesome comebacks, and takes me back to my junior days when I didn't have a care in the world. Perhaps one of the reasons why I love this tournament so much is because my favorites always do well here. I am speaking of the Williams sisters and Roger Federer! I have been a fan of them since the beginning, before they were dominate and before they won everything.
In the summer of '99, I was bored and had nothing to do. My parents used to own a concession stand at a local pool so before then, my summers were spent at the pool all day. They gave it up in 98 and the next summer I found myself extremely bored. While I was trying to cure my boredom, I happened to take interest in Wimbledon which I noticed had been on tv for a while. My interest grew and finally saw a match between Venus and Steffi Graf. It was awesome, I was so excited for something I had no idea about (kinda like how I became obsessed with Curling this year in Vancouver even though I had no idea how to play or what was going on).
Venus ended up loosing to Graf and the next day I had my mom take me to our local tennis club and signed up for lessons and from there on out, I never looked back. I won my first tournament 4 months later and by the following summer I was in the advanced level group at my club. I was addicted when I was younger, following scores online, watching it on tv everywhere, and even reading 'Venus Envy' by Jon Wertheim. I literally became a student of the game, learning the history, past champions, and studying technique religiously. I became quite good quite quickly. I made some of my best friends from tennis and never thought I would be playing the game and enjoying it now.
Tennis also helped me go to college. I received a scholarship to play and may have been one of the best decisions of my life. My team was awesome and was the best four years of my life. I had a great college career winning two conference titles and making the schools honorary champions board.
No wonder Wimbledon holds a special part in my heart, it was where my life began almost. Before that I had no hobby, no drive, no ambition (even as a 12 year old) and was actually pretty lazy. I will forever wake up at 8am for two weeks straight (besides the middle sunday) to watch my favorite tournament and reminisce about all the great things that came from it!
I am a huge tennis fan and avid tennis player for the past 11 years of my life. For the past twelve summers, the last week of June and first week of July you'll find me up at 8am every day to watch tennis for 9 hours. It's a lasting memory for me every summer. I think of great matches that have happened, awesome comebacks, and takes me back to my junior days when I didn't have a care in the world. Perhaps one of the reasons why I love this tournament so much is because my favorites always do well here. I am speaking of the Williams sisters and Roger Federer! I have been a fan of them since the beginning, before they were dominate and before they won everything.
In the summer of '99, I was bored and had nothing to do. My parents used to own a concession stand at a local pool so before then, my summers were spent at the pool all day. They gave it up in 98 and the next summer I found myself extremely bored. While I was trying to cure my boredom, I happened to take interest in Wimbledon which I noticed had been on tv for a while. My interest grew and finally saw a match between Venus and Steffi Graf. It was awesome, I was so excited for something I had no idea about (kinda like how I became obsessed with Curling this year in Vancouver even though I had no idea how to play or what was going on).
Venus ended up loosing to Graf and the next day I had my mom take me to our local tennis club and signed up for lessons and from there on out, I never looked back. I won my first tournament 4 months later and by the following summer I was in the advanced level group at my club. I was addicted when I was younger, following scores online, watching it on tv everywhere, and even reading 'Venus Envy' by Jon Wertheim. I literally became a student of the game, learning the history, past champions, and studying technique religiously. I became quite good quite quickly. I made some of my best friends from tennis and never thought I would be playing the game and enjoying it now.
Tennis also helped me go to college. I received a scholarship to play and may have been one of the best decisions of my life. My team was awesome and was the best four years of my life. I had a great college career winning two conference titles and making the schools honorary champions board.
No wonder Wimbledon holds a special part in my heart, it was where my life began almost. Before that I had no hobby, no drive, no ambition (even as a 12 year old) and was actually pretty lazy. I will forever wake up at 8am for two weeks straight (besides the middle sunday) to watch my favorite tournament and reminisce about all the great things that came from it!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Bump in the Road
Ugh, my macbook began making a horrible noise on saturday night and I freaked out because my last two laptops (not mac's) all had their hard drives burn out or something which ended up loosing everything and having me to pay a fortune to fix it. I took it to the geek squad the next morning and they said it would be really expensive if they fixed it so they refered me to a mac store (not an apple store). Well first off, who knew the geek squad at best buy had such hot boys working there?? Seriously, hot and smart?? wow ;)
So I took it over to the mac store and low and behold, another hottie working. This one was ADORABLE with black hair and freckles. Luckily he was very nice and told me it was just the fan and that the repair would be cheap and not too worry too much. Maybe he'll see all my porn on my computer and give me his number afterwards ;)
Unfortunately I have been using an old crappy dell I have and now I am certain I will always be forever a mac guy. I need some good luck my way...
p.s. it was fun looking through all my old stuff on this computer (pictures, documents, porn) it was like brand new again!
So I took it over to the mac store and low and behold, another hottie working. This one was ADORABLE with black hair and freckles. Luckily he was very nice and told me it was just the fan and that the repair would be cheap and not too worry too much. Maybe he'll see all my porn on my computer and give me his number afterwards ;)
Unfortunately I have been using an old crappy dell I have and now I am certain I will always be forever a mac guy. I need some good luck my way...
p.s. it was fun looking through all my old stuff on this computer (pictures, documents, porn) it was like brand new again!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Do we all...
REVOLVE AROUND SEX???? Ugh, this is something i'm sure all you readers are well aware of. Yes, I have been guilty of it in the past, and yes I will probably be guilty of it in the future, but something happened that almost made me loose all hope in humanity.
Ok, so there is this website that I will not mention (no, not manhunt or any hookup site) that I frequent that is gay oriented. It's a rather good website for a common interest and I met this really awesome guy online who I have been chatting it up with for a while. First off, he's Asian and I don't usually go for Asian's, but he is gorgeous! He is also one of the sweetest guys I know. Yes yes, you can say "well how do you know if you've never met in person." Well this guy is one of a kind. I can tell because he tells me of this non profit organization he created that helps children who's parents have cancer...convinced now too?
So down to what happened. Him and I talked about hooking up and what not and he mentioned to me that he has only had sex with two guys and does not hook up at all. I applauded him for that and he was very genuine about it. He's ripped so he would have no problem finding someone to hook up with, and this I found out soon enough. I was laying in bed one night and he texted me and said "omg I'm out with a guy from *that website* and I'm having a great time." So I responded and told him I'm glad b/c he's not out so he hasn't been around too many gay people yet. Two days later we chat online and I found out the guy he was hanging out with is THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN ON EARTH. I'm not kidding, not even kidding with the caps... So I poked around and truth be told, they hooked up. I was kinda disappointed because A. they are both hot and I was jealous and B. I really believed him when he said he doesn't do that. What makes it worse is that he says they will remain friends because he was "just passing through." I told him he was a road trip booty call.
So what disappointed me so much about this. I have never met a true guy who was attractive and personable who didn't end up wanting sex. It has never happened (to me at least) and I think it might never will. I yearn for the day when a first date doesn't end up "watching a movie" or not getting a text back after the first night of hooking up or asking if I'm a top or bottom during dinner. I want the genuine husband you see in movies who sweep you off your feet on the first date, not in the way you're thinking ;)
I try hard to be that guy, I really do. With Mr. Future Husband, I refused to have sex with him and I told him that and he thought "that was the greatest thing ever." Well looking back, I should've just banged him and went along my way but oh well. So perhaps I should take a vow, a vow not to have sex until I'm in a relationship? Unfortunately if I took that vow three years ago, my hymen would have grown over again. So perhaps alter the vow to not having sex till the 3rd date? That sounds good, that's a good amount of time to hang out, get to know each other, etc. Now if you already have this rule then good for you, call me a slut! But here's to finding the guy who's not obsessed with sex!
Ok, so there is this website that I will not mention (no, not manhunt or any hookup site) that I frequent that is gay oriented. It's a rather good website for a common interest and I met this really awesome guy online who I have been chatting it up with for a while. First off, he's Asian and I don't usually go for Asian's, but he is gorgeous! He is also one of the sweetest guys I know. Yes yes, you can say "well how do you know if you've never met in person." Well this guy is one of a kind. I can tell because he tells me of this non profit organization he created that helps children who's parents have cancer...convinced now too?
So down to what happened. Him and I talked about hooking up and what not and he mentioned to me that he has only had sex with two guys and does not hook up at all. I applauded him for that and he was very genuine about it. He's ripped so he would have no problem finding someone to hook up with, and this I found out soon enough. I was laying in bed one night and he texted me and said "omg I'm out with a guy from *that website* and I'm having a great time." So I responded and told him I'm glad b/c he's not out so he hasn't been around too many gay people yet. Two days later we chat online and I found out the guy he was hanging out with is THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN ON EARTH. I'm not kidding, not even kidding with the caps... So I poked around and truth be told, they hooked up. I was kinda disappointed because A. they are both hot and I was jealous and B. I really believed him when he said he doesn't do that. What makes it worse is that he says they will remain friends because he was "just passing through." I told him he was a road trip booty call.
So what disappointed me so much about this. I have never met a true guy who was attractive and personable who didn't end up wanting sex. It has never happened (to me at least) and I think it might never will. I yearn for the day when a first date doesn't end up "watching a movie" or not getting a text back after the first night of hooking up or asking if I'm a top or bottom during dinner. I want the genuine husband you see in movies who sweep you off your feet on the first date, not in the way you're thinking ;)
I try hard to be that guy, I really do. With Mr. Future Husband, I refused to have sex with him and I told him that and he thought "that was the greatest thing ever." Well looking back, I should've just banged him and went along my way but oh well. So perhaps I should take a vow, a vow not to have sex until I'm in a relationship? Unfortunately if I took that vow three years ago, my hymen would have grown over again. So perhaps alter the vow to not having sex till the 3rd date? That sounds good, that's a good amount of time to hang out, get to know each other, etc. Now if you already have this rule then good for you, call me a slut! But here's to finding the guy who's not obsessed with sex!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
My Year of Disappointments (So Far)
Ok, so as I have mentioned early, I have horrible luck. I have even worse luck when it comes to guys and dating. I have only had two boyfriends and both last 3 months. Both happened in 2006 and both ended with me getting dumped. I've had numerous interests since then and yet no luck landing a good one. I could literally write a 5 page blog about this subject, but I'll just humor you with my bad experiences from this year.
It all began with whom I'll call Mr. Perfect (kinda like Mr. Big from sex and the city.) He had EVERYTHING going for him, well not everything, but damn near everything. He was gorgeous, muscular, funny, sweet, kind, and to top it off, he is going to be making a lot of money in the near future with his career. We found each other on a website (not a hookup website) and chatted for a couple months. I finally built up the courage to ask him to lunch and he surprisingly said YES! Well at our lunch, he was making eye contact, being his perfect self then tells me he's moving away for an assistantship in 3 days. Yeah in 3 days...
Well we actually kept in touch for a bit after he moved and made plans for me to come visit him in February. Well February came and I asked about our plans and he revealed to me that he met someone online and he was flying in Valentine's day weekend to visit. After Valentine's day weekend he promptly had to tell me he was in love and they've been happy ever since. Strike one for 2010.
The second guy who came along we'll call Hottie McTottie. I will not reveal too much information about him personally cause he is in a pretty well known traveling show and we met up when he was in town here. Here's a tid bit about me though, I fall way too quickly, with everyone. Well we did meet on a hookup site, which I don't usually do, but this guy was beyond gorgeous. So we texted and then one night he wanted to me to come over after his show. So as I'm walking out the door to go hang out with him, I get a text that says "hey, i have lube but no condoms ;)" I take some with me just in case. Well of course I get there and he offers to put in a movie and then rub my back so I know we were going to have sex eventually that night, and we did.
Now here's the thing, the sex wasn't that great. For being a hot, athletic, performer, he was kinda bad in bed. But it didn't matter, the fact I banged this hottie was good enough for me. Then after I came and I'm still in him he looks me in the eye's and says, "this wasn't just a hook up, I didn't think you'd be this sweet and awesome." Right there, fell for the guy. The rest of the time he was there he treated me so well; bought me tickets to his play, took me to dinner, took me to a cast party, kissed me goodnight...but no more sex, and for good reason. HE HAD A BOYFRIEND!
Now this is where you'll judge me, but one morning after a night of cuddling, he was in the shower and his phone beeped with a text and I looked down to see what it was and yes, I went through his text messages. I never do this and I don't know what came over me, but I did it. His boy was sending him "I love you" and "I miss you so much" messages. I felt horrilbe. So I calmly left and he shortly left town after that. He wanted me to visit him in the next city but warned me "we can't do what we did last time, I kinda started dating a castmate..." Strike two for me in 2010...
Now here's the doozy. Guy #3 this year was mr. future husband. This guy had added me on myspace like 5 years ago and actually kept in touch all this time. This guy was soooo adorable and had the perfect smile. So finally this past March after my Hottie McTottie, I saw him online and said to him "hey, we've been friends online for like 5 years and we haven't met yet." He promptly replied with "well let's fix that." So the time came after some texting and deciding when we were both free that I drove myself down to where he was and we spent an awesome evening walking around the mall, having dinner, chatting over drinks, then him inviting me to his place to hang out more. Now at this point I thought it was just going to end up being a hookup so I decided to go home with him. We got there and watching a movie, cuddled and held hands for a while. Then I offered to drive myself back home since it was late. He refused to let me leave so I stayed with him. The night quickly turned into a cute date to hot hot, messing around. The messing around led to both of us professing how much we liked each other already, which led to me coming back that weekend to hang out.
The time between us hanging out was what got me. I would get texts from him throughout the day exclaiming how cute i was and how bad he wanted to see me. One in particular stands out which he sent me one night saying "is it disgusting that I can't wait to see you again." Which made my heart melt. The next time we hung out solidified me falling hard for this guy. We talked about what we were going to do in the future together, where we want to travel together, everything but what we wanted to name our kids. Now I know that seems really fast, but we both said "I can't believe how good this feels this soon."
I left his place the next morning on cloud nine and he started classes again that monday. I heard less from him since he was busy yet still got cute texts from him. The next weekend we were to hang out but he cancelled on me because he forgot some plans he made. I was weary of that and you should always trust your gut because the next day was the last I ever heard from him. I got a text that said "Happy Easter, cutie." To which I responded "thanks, i miss ya!" That was the end. No contact from him, no response, nothing. I WAS DEVASTATED. I still am a little. This guy was my guy. He was perfect to me and I wanted to marry him! I recently found out he is dating someone for real now and it still stings to think about him. Strike 3 for me in 2010.
Guy number four we'll call Mr. Good Sex. Hopefully by his nickname you'll realize what our relationship was about. I met him while hanging out with Mr. Future Husband and decided to hang out with him after about 2 weeks of no word from Mr. Future Husband. Well Mr. Good Sex was in awesome shape and fun to be around. We had dinner, drinks, then back to his place for a movie. Yes, yes, i know that watching a movie is code word for sex, but I still hold out hope that one time I can actually "watch a movie" with a guy ;) So we started the movie and immediately started making out. This lead to three rounds of hot sex which I will never forget. We complimented each other so well in bed. He a bottom, I a top. He likes it rough, I like it rough. He lasted a long time, I lasted a long time. You see where this is going... This went on for about 3 weeks and I finally said we needed to stop if we were only going to do this. I knew he was moving away this summer anyways so I didn't want to get attached.
I actually didn't allow myself to get attached because I was still head over heals for Mr. Future Husband even though he was not talking to me anymore. We became friends after we stopped having sex and hung out often, then one night I was feeling extra horny and decided to drop him a text. I didn't get the response I expected because he had always took up my offers for sex. I sent "hey, lets go three rounds tonight ;)" with him responding "haha, i'm kinda actually dating someone now, sorry." Sorry? So I became upset obviously and told him I was disappointed and we got in a huge fight about everything really. Point being, this wasn't the worst guy of the year, but the sex was damn damn good. Strike number 4 for 2010...
So through my trials and tribulations, I sit here writing this to get my thoughts out. I think about Mr. Future Husband every fifteen seconds still. The thought of him having moved on makes my stomach sick still. I sometimes don't know what to do to get over this one but hopefully soon a cure will come around. This is just a tidbit of my dating/guy history. I will write the novel that will include all of them at one point, but on here, I'll prolly just mention the ones that stick out to me.
As of now I'm on a guy hiatus. We'll see how this goes ;)
It all began with whom I'll call Mr. Perfect (kinda like Mr. Big from sex and the city.) He had EVERYTHING going for him, well not everything, but damn near everything. He was gorgeous, muscular, funny, sweet, kind, and to top it off, he is going to be making a lot of money in the near future with his career. We found each other on a website (not a hookup website) and chatted for a couple months. I finally built up the courage to ask him to lunch and he surprisingly said YES! Well at our lunch, he was making eye contact, being his perfect self then tells me he's moving away for an assistantship in 3 days. Yeah in 3 days...
Well we actually kept in touch for a bit after he moved and made plans for me to come visit him in February. Well February came and I asked about our plans and he revealed to me that he met someone online and he was flying in Valentine's day weekend to visit. After Valentine's day weekend he promptly had to tell me he was in love and they've been happy ever since. Strike one for 2010.
The second guy who came along we'll call Hottie McTottie. I will not reveal too much information about him personally cause he is in a pretty well known traveling show and we met up when he was in town here. Here's a tid bit about me though, I fall way too quickly, with everyone. Well we did meet on a hookup site, which I don't usually do, but this guy was beyond gorgeous. So we texted and then one night he wanted to me to come over after his show. So as I'm walking out the door to go hang out with him, I get a text that says "hey, i have lube but no condoms ;)" I take some with me just in case. Well of course I get there and he offers to put in a movie and then rub my back so I know we were going to have sex eventually that night, and we did.
Now here's the thing, the sex wasn't that great. For being a hot, athletic, performer, he was kinda bad in bed. But it didn't matter, the fact I banged this hottie was good enough for me. Then after I came and I'm still in him he looks me in the eye's and says, "this wasn't just a hook up, I didn't think you'd be this sweet and awesome." Right there, fell for the guy. The rest of the time he was there he treated me so well; bought me tickets to his play, took me to dinner, took me to a cast party, kissed me goodnight...but no more sex, and for good reason. HE HAD A BOYFRIEND!
Now this is where you'll judge me, but one morning after a night of cuddling, he was in the shower and his phone beeped with a text and I looked down to see what it was and yes, I went through his text messages. I never do this and I don't know what came over me, but I did it. His boy was sending him "I love you" and "I miss you so much" messages. I felt horrilbe. So I calmly left and he shortly left town after that. He wanted me to visit him in the next city but warned me "we can't do what we did last time, I kinda started dating a castmate..." Strike two for me in 2010...
Now here's the doozy. Guy #3 this year was mr. future husband. This guy had added me on myspace like 5 years ago and actually kept in touch all this time. This guy was soooo adorable and had the perfect smile. So finally this past March after my Hottie McTottie, I saw him online and said to him "hey, we've been friends online for like 5 years and we haven't met yet." He promptly replied with "well let's fix that." So the time came after some texting and deciding when we were both free that I drove myself down to where he was and we spent an awesome evening walking around the mall, having dinner, chatting over drinks, then him inviting me to his place to hang out more. Now at this point I thought it was just going to end up being a hookup so I decided to go home with him. We got there and watching a movie, cuddled and held hands for a while. Then I offered to drive myself back home since it was late. He refused to let me leave so I stayed with him. The night quickly turned into a cute date to hot hot, messing around. The messing around led to both of us professing how much we liked each other already, which led to me coming back that weekend to hang out.
The time between us hanging out was what got me. I would get texts from him throughout the day exclaiming how cute i was and how bad he wanted to see me. One in particular stands out which he sent me one night saying "is it disgusting that I can't wait to see you again." Which made my heart melt. The next time we hung out solidified me falling hard for this guy. We talked about what we were going to do in the future together, where we want to travel together, everything but what we wanted to name our kids. Now I know that seems really fast, but we both said "I can't believe how good this feels this soon."
I left his place the next morning on cloud nine and he started classes again that monday. I heard less from him since he was busy yet still got cute texts from him. The next weekend we were to hang out but he cancelled on me because he forgot some plans he made. I was weary of that and you should always trust your gut because the next day was the last I ever heard from him. I got a text that said "Happy Easter, cutie." To which I responded "thanks, i miss ya!" That was the end. No contact from him, no response, nothing. I WAS DEVASTATED. I still am a little. This guy was my guy. He was perfect to me and I wanted to marry him! I recently found out he is dating someone for real now and it still stings to think about him. Strike 3 for me in 2010.
Guy number four we'll call Mr. Good Sex. Hopefully by his nickname you'll realize what our relationship was about. I met him while hanging out with Mr. Future Husband and decided to hang out with him after about 2 weeks of no word from Mr. Future Husband. Well Mr. Good Sex was in awesome shape and fun to be around. We had dinner, drinks, then back to his place for a movie. Yes, yes, i know that watching a movie is code word for sex, but I still hold out hope that one time I can actually "watch a movie" with a guy ;) So we started the movie and immediately started making out. This lead to three rounds of hot sex which I will never forget. We complimented each other so well in bed. He a bottom, I a top. He likes it rough, I like it rough. He lasted a long time, I lasted a long time. You see where this is going... This went on for about 3 weeks and I finally said we needed to stop if we were only going to do this. I knew he was moving away this summer anyways so I didn't want to get attached.
I actually didn't allow myself to get attached because I was still head over heals for Mr. Future Husband even though he was not talking to me anymore. We became friends after we stopped having sex and hung out often, then one night I was feeling extra horny and decided to drop him a text. I didn't get the response I expected because he had always took up my offers for sex. I sent "hey, lets go three rounds tonight ;)" with him responding "haha, i'm kinda actually dating someone now, sorry." Sorry? So I became upset obviously and told him I was disappointed and we got in a huge fight about everything really. Point being, this wasn't the worst guy of the year, but the sex was damn damn good. Strike number 4 for 2010...
So through my trials and tribulations, I sit here writing this to get my thoughts out. I think about Mr. Future Husband every fifteen seconds still. The thought of him having moved on makes my stomach sick still. I sometimes don't know what to do to get over this one but hopefully soon a cure will come around. This is just a tidbit of my dating/guy history. I will write the novel that will include all of them at one point, but on here, I'll prolly just mention the ones that stick out to me.
As of now I'm on a guy hiatus. We'll see how this goes ;)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My Pride
Every year I have made it a goal for myself to attend at least one pride festival somewhere. This year I thought I may have to go back on that promise because of where I moved to (the middle of boring) but alas, I found a way! On Friday afternoon I realized that the next day was Columbus' Pride and I immediately thought I couldn't go because I had to work saturday night. However, one of my many New Year's Resolutions this year was to travel more and be spontaneous. Now when I say travel, I don't mean to Europe or the West Coast, just around the midwest in general. So I found my friend Scott to go with me and the plans were set.
Saturday morning we left around 10am and found ourself traveling in a gloomy and dreary world. I wore a cute outfit (in my opinion) and some new sunglasses and was feeling good about myself. We get to Columbus and I immediately fall in love with the city! The city scape was beautiful and the town was clean (for a bigger city). I have to admit, growing up only an hour from Columbus, I had only been there once during a 5th grade field trip so I really had no recollection of the city what so ever. After parking and walking around High Street for a while, we found a spot amongst the masses and waited patiently for the parade to start.
At noon sharp, the clouds broke and the sun came blaring out. It felt good at first but then the heat became oppressive. For some reason all I could think of were the drag queens and how horrible they must've been. I thought "those poor drag queens with all that makeup and clothes on," yet they all showed their pride and made for a great parade! During the parade though, a group of larger girls came stomping in next to us, literally stampeding their way into the crowd. They would try to strike up conversations with me and my friend but one thing I do not like are pushy people. Not only did they push their way by us, but they pushed their way into our conversation and that I do not like! Also, I get uncomfortable around butch lesbians, don't ask why, I just do! Anyways, here was a conversation they had with me after a float went by throwing t-shirts at people.
Me: "Ugh, I don't want this State Farm Insurance t-shirt. It's huge anyways."
Scott: "Just throw it."
Large Lesbian #1: "OH! What size is it."
Me: "Ummmmm 2XL."
Large Lesbian #2: "That's my size" (Grabbing it out of my hands)
Me: "Yes, your welcome."
Large Lesbian #2: "I can wear this to work."
I did not imply into where she worked or tell her that nothing is good about being a size 2XL...
After the parade we made our way to the park and immediately consumed a huge sweet tea. By this time my neck was as red as a cherry and my shirt was starting to get wet from all of the sweat. My friend and I walked around the parade and met up with a friend of mine from Indy and then made our way home since I had to work. I was sad to leave and was surprised that I was sad. I literally fell in love with that city this weekend, not to mention, there were so very good looking guys there.
All in all I had an amazing time in Columbus. I was impulsive and achieved a New Years Resolution, explored a new city, and got a rockin farmers tan! Can't complain about that :)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Hello Hello
Hello everyone! First off, thanks for stopping by, hopefully you'll be entertained enough to keep coming back for more. I want to start off by telling everyone a little about myself. I was born and raised in Ohio and will probably be a Buckeye for life. I love the midwest and don't yearn to go elsewhere. I'm a fairly athletic guy having played college tennis and now an avid gym goer.
I enjoy simple things in life and you can easily satisfy me. I give 110% to whatever relationship I develop; whether it be friendship, bf (not that I have those right now), coworker, etc. I give it my all. I have a best friend whom we'll call M who I met in college. I am a college graduate and am in the midst of the great job hunt.
Alot of my posts will deal with the bad luck I go through. I'm convinced that sometime in my life, I must have crashed a mirror truck and shattered hundreds or mirrors, because Lady Luck is definitely not interested in me. Anything from dating, to friends, to work, to having fun; I have the worst luck it seems. I like to think I am a simple person, but more and more I'm thinking perhaps I'm more complex and complicated than I thought I was. So stay tuned and maybe you'll feel better about your fortunes after reading about mine.
I enjoy simple things in life and you can easily satisfy me. I give 110% to whatever relationship I develop; whether it be friendship, bf (not that I have those right now), coworker, etc. I give it my all. I have a best friend whom we'll call M who I met in college. I am a college graduate and am in the midst of the great job hunt.
Alot of my posts will deal with the bad luck I go through. I'm convinced that sometime in my life, I must have crashed a mirror truck and shattered hundreds or mirrors, because Lady Luck is definitely not interested in me. Anything from dating, to friends, to work, to having fun; I have the worst luck it seems. I like to think I am a simple person, but more and more I'm thinking perhaps I'm more complex and complicated than I thought I was. So stay tuned and maybe you'll feel better about your fortunes after reading about mine.
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